I really enjoyed the imagery, I had no trouble envisioning any of it. It flowed well, and never lagged. Terrific piece! Hope we get to find out what happens next.
Only thing that caught me off was the opening line:
"The slivered moon sat low in the sky casting eerie shadows on the forest floor, her feet deftly navigating the underbrush following the whispers of an ancient trail."
The ", she" implies the moon, not your protagonist. Unless I'm mistaken. So either a full stop and then "She deftly navigated..." or sub "she" for your protag's name. Or maybe there's another way.
Again, I could be wrong. That's just how my brain reads it.
Raising Rocabarra
Wonderful glimpse into this fantasy world. Expertly leaves you wanting more!
I really enjoyed this story thank you 😊
I really enjoyed the imagery, I had no trouble envisioning any of it. It flowed well, and never lagged. Terrific piece! Hope we get to find out what happens next.
I love how poetic and fluid the prose is yet still paints clear, vivid images in your mind.
Very intriguing!
Heh, great read Dan, thanks. Nice ending!
Only thing that caught me off was the opening line:
"The slivered moon sat low in the sky casting eerie shadows on the forest floor, her feet deftly navigating the underbrush following the whispers of an ancient trail."
The ", she" implies the moon, not your protagonist. Unless I'm mistaken. So either a full stop and then "She deftly navigated..." or sub "she" for your protag's name. Or maybe there's another way.
Again, I could be wrong. That's just how my brain reads it.
A short story that’s like a serpent, quick with a sting in its tail!