I really enjoyed the imagery, I had no trouble envisioning any of it. It flowed well, and never lagged. Terrific piece! Hope we get to find out what happens next.
Thanks - sometimes I feel like I need to be more descriptive but then I remind myself that it's good to let my readers fill in some of the blanks with their own interpretation.
Challenge for you Dan. The story could bebetter if you fifty to one hundred words, especially the overuse of adjectives. Try it and see what you think.
Thanks - editing is always a process for me and sometimes writing to prompts is more difficult for me to do bc I kind of like to let my writing go wherever the story/characters takes it.
Only thing that caught me off was the opening line:
"The slivered moon sat low in the sky casting eerie shadows on the forest floor, her feet deftly navigating the underbrush following the whispers of an ancient trail."
The ", she" implies the moon, not your protagonist. Unless I'm mistaken. So either a full stop and then "She deftly navigated..." or sub "she" for your protag's name. Or maybe there's another way.
Again, I could be wrong. That's just how my brain reads it.
No that sounds right reading it again. I'd had a different start but switch it at the end. But I love Substack - I tweaked it already. I just flipped it around to make it clear it wasn't the moon running down the trail.
Wonderful glimpse into this fantasy world. Expertly leaves you wanting more!
Thanks Winston. It's fun to get these little glimpses into worlds that may be seeds of something larger.
I really enjoyed this story thank you 😊
You’re welcome. It was fun spinning it up.
I really enjoyed the imagery, I had no trouble envisioning any of it. It flowed well, and never lagged. Terrific piece! Hope we get to find out what happens next.
Thanks for the kind words. We’ll see where these little stories take us. I’m interested to see where this goes too!
I love how poetic and fluid the prose is yet still paints clear, vivid images in your mind.
Thanks - sometimes I feel like I need to be more descriptive but then I remind myself that it's good to let my readers fill in some of the blanks with their own interpretation.
Yes, you strike a nice balance. Keep it up.
It was a smooth, enjoyable read.
I had to note this because usually if somebody is too stylistic I find the reading experience for me is like a busted car jerking -- jagged and rough.
But here, I never even had to reread a sentence. And I got to enjoy the poetic description also, so that was nice.
Thanks again! You never know how things will hit people and I’m happy you liked it.
Very intriguing!
Thanks! I have to think of a good name for Rocabarra's daughter. I had one but it didn't wuite work so I just left her unnamed in the story for now.
Challenge for you Dan. The story could bebetter if you fifty to one hundred words, especially the overuse of adjectives. Try it and see what you think.
Thanks - editing is always a process for me and sometimes writing to prompts is more difficult for me to do bc I kind of like to let my writing go wherever the story/characters takes it.
You’ll come up with something great, I’m sure. :)
Heh, great read Dan, thanks. Nice ending!
Only thing that caught me off was the opening line:
"The slivered moon sat low in the sky casting eerie shadows on the forest floor, her feet deftly navigating the underbrush following the whispers of an ancient trail."
The ", she" implies the moon, not your protagonist. Unless I'm mistaken. So either a full stop and then "She deftly navigated..." or sub "she" for your protag's name. Or maybe there's another way.
Again, I could be wrong. That's just how my brain reads it.
No that sounds right reading it again. I'd had a different start but switch it at the end. But I love Substack - I tweaked it already. I just flipped it around to make it clear it wasn't the moon running down the trail.
Thanks for reading Nathan!
A short story that’s like a serpent, quick with a sting in its tail!
Thanks for reading Kent. I don't know what the Lich Queen's going to do now but I doubt it'll be anything good! 😱